And what makes me feel awful is, I'm too damn busy with my study that I didn't have the time to be sad and to mourn for my late uncle. I have too many things to do, even sometimes I don't have the time just to eat. I had to fake smiles in front of people even though what I feel inside is only sadness.
Thursday night, after all those classes and ugly assignments, I finally could take a break. Before sleeping, I thought a lot of things about my late uncle and I did cry a little.
The first place a dead man go is the memories of the people he left. Whether it is a good memory or a bad one, depends on what he did when he was alive.
I remember when I was little, he often played with me and my little brother. He was kind and cheerful. I still remember some of his silly and naughty jokes. He taught me how to view our life from a different perspective, sometimes little things have deeper meaning than what we think. "Life is too complicated, you don't have to understand it all. Instead, you can just learn to understand things important to you and keep them in your head" he once said to me. But now he's gone and I'm going to miss him for a long time.
The last time I met him was 3 years ago, exactly before I went to Germany to study. Half a year ago my mom told me that he got cancer on his lungs because he smoked a lot. I planned to visit him when I was in Indonesia, but I always thought "Maybe later..." and in the end I didn't visit him at all last holiday. But now that he's gone, there is no more "later"...it is too late and I really regret it :(. It is the first time in my life I regret my decision the most and it makes me awfully sad and feel sorry for my uncle. I'm really a no good nephew.
I'm so sorry for not visiting you, Uncle. I love you and will always remember you. Please rest in peace .... :(
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